Referred to as the “greatest American humorist of his age”, Mark Twain was both admired and derided for his biting take on all facets of life. From religion to politics to philosophy, we look at thirty perfect Mark Twain quotes that embody his rapier wit:
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1 of 31
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
2 of 31
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
3 of 31
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
4 of 31
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
5 of 31
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
6 of 31
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
7 of 31
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
8 of 31
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
9 of 31
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
10 of 31
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
11 of 31
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
12 of 31
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
13 of 31
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
14 of 31
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
15 of 31
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
16 of 31
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.
17 of 31
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18 of 31
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
19 of 31
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
20 of 31
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
21 of 31
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
22 of 31
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
23 of 31
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
24 of 31
All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
25 of 31
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
26 of 31
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
27 of 31
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
28 of 31
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
29 of 31
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
30 of 31
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
31 of 31
Enjoy our collection of Mark Twain quotes? Then be sure to check out All That Is Interesting's posts on interesting quotes and inspirational quotes guaranteed to change your life! Finally, have a look at 40 Bruce Lee quotes that will touch your heart and soul, as well as some of the most hilarious insults from famous historical figures.
